


Hurt

by MissMollieRaye



Category: Marvel
Genre: Accidental Mpreg, Daddy!Steve, M/M, Mpreg, healing!Bucky, hurt!bucky, post-CATWS, pregnant!Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-12 00:21:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4458155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMollieRaye/pseuds/MissMollieRaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky doesn't like the word hurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurt

Bucky never used the word hurt. He wouldn't admit that he was hurting because he felt weak. And being weak didn't suit him well. If he even thought he was weak, he instantly thought Steve would think less of him. If Steve asked if something was wrong, Bucky would shake his head, shallow thickly, and just barely whisper, "I won't show weakness." Bucky wasn't about to tell Steve exactly what was hurting him, or 'weakening him', as Bucky likes to phrase it. He doesn't like to think about it, it's bad enough that Natasha and Doctor Banner knows, but Steve knowing is another thing. Natasha and Doctor Banner knowing his reproductive organs were replaced with women's is horrible, and it scares Bucky that they'll tell Steve. 

That's what hurts Bucky; Steve finding out and turning it against Bucky and force him to have children like Hydra's first intentions were. They wanted a new breed of Super Soldier, and since they had one, a nearly perfect male with the almost exact serum as Captain America, they closed in on Bucky. From the day his new organs were put in, to the day he was able to escape and go back to Steve, he was held down, gagged and raped, by almost every bastard in the Hydra system. He conceived a few times, 5 to be exact, but he always beat himself until he felt the life inside him die out, and he was left with the fear and guilt of someone finding out why he wasn't carrying out full term. He didn't want a child, at least not from anyone in Hyrda. 

Bucky isn't sexually active with Steve, and Steve doesn't mind. He understands, or he tries at least. Steve's lucky he gets to kiss Bucky, and even then it's brief and almost too thin to call it a kiss. Sure, Steve holds Bucky's face and Bucky manages to smile a little, but they're not real kisses. Steve doesn't care too much about sex anyway, it's not a must for him, as it isn't for Bucky either. And, to Steve, that's okay. The last thing he wants to do it hurt Bucky, especially since he knows Bucky's already hurting, he just doesn't know what it exactly is that's hurting him. 

Natasha really wants to tell Steve, she really does. She thinks Bucky, no matter how messes up or scared he is, needs to get over it and tell him, but that's the fellow assassin in her talking. Bruce has told her several times how much the whole thing is slowly wearing Bucky away, and Natasha agrees, Bucky is miserable, save for Steve. But, as seeing Steve is Bucky's lover, boyfriend whatever you want to call it, he deserves to know what Bucky has been forced to keep silent about for years now that he has freedom of speech. It might hurt, even more than keeping it too himself, but at least Steve will know and he can help Bucky learn to love and live again. Natasha thinks she knows what Bucky needs, but she doesn't, no-one does.

The only reason Bruce knows is because when Bucky was first welcomed to the Avengers home, metal limbs and all, he had to have a basic check up. Bruce doesn't mind doing things like that, even though Tony swears he's better at everything Bruce does. Bruce checked over things like height and weight and general things, and then he discovered that Bucky was bleeding from his crotch. Turns out, Bucky was on his period that week. Bruce, with his eyebrows raised, quizzed him about his abnormal 'female characteristics', and Bucky answered truthfully, and nearly drowned in his shame. Hydra fucked him up pretty bad, and Bucky knew that, still knows it, but having to say it was another level of hurt. Bruce promised he wouldn't tell anyone, and he didn't, but Natasha, being the damn know-it-all that she is, had actually read Bucky's file before it was burned and forgotten. Bucky threatened to kill her, and he almost did if it weren't for Bruce stopping him from attacking Natasha with a knife. 

Bucky was still hurting when Steve came home one night from a risky case, and for God knows what reason, Bucky wanted Steve to stop the hurt, even if just for a few fleeting moments. It was slow, Steve didn't want to rush anything, and he made Bucky lay back and let Steve do all the work because after all, all Bucky has done for the last 15 years is do work, even if it wasn't this certain type of 'work', but Steve insisted. When the time came, Steve made sure Bucky's body was completely covered by his own, and Bucky made sure that he kept this night lasting as long as it could. Unfortunately, their night ended at 4 AM, when Steve's thighs burned from strain and Bucky's ass was too sore. Steve was able to give Bucky about 7 hours of peace and love, and most of all, no hurt. He didn't hurt, not once, when Steve was screwing him into the bed so good and lovingly, and almost longingly. Steve longed for his Bucky back, not the Winter Soldier, but his Bucky, even if his Bucky came with a different arm or heart. Bucky feels stupid looking back on the night, he wonders how he couldn't feel his organs working every time Steve's seed went deep into him, and why he couldn't find enough mind to care. 

But, like always, Bucky's moments of peace and happiness are fleeting, and he doesn't have enough time to enjoy it. The following morning, no-one said anything to Bucky, mostly because he looked murderous, and Natasha looked a little proud of him. Steve had set a cup of coffee in front of him, and Bucky gingerly sipped it, needing his morning caffeine like everyone else. Sam sat across the table from Bucky, looking through the paper and ate his donut, occasionally glancing up at Bucky's alabaster face. It was calm, and Bucky thought his day would be okay for once, but of course, there's always that one, unworthy idiot. Tony Stark had made himself a cup of Joe, and was looking over a few things that Fury left him, when he causally said, "I heard you, Capsicle, getting some. It's about time you put Barnes' birthing hips to use." Bucky nearly choked on his drink. 

He practically flew from the kitchen to the bathroom, and threw up his freshly drunk coffee, and sobbed into the toilet when he was done. Realization had just him, and Bucky felt his stomach drop to the pits of Hell, and that was putting it lightly. Steve came in of course, pulled Bucky from the toilet rim and held him. Some of Bucky's hair had fallen from his bun and stuck to his face from the thin layer of sweat he had earned from being bent over the small toilet, and he knew some of his hair probably had puke in it. Steve left the door open, and over his shoulder, Bucky could see Natasha and Bruce peeking in, both their eyes asking a silent question. Bucky nodded. 

3 weeks later, he found out he had discovered a whole new level of hurt, guilt and, surprisingly, hope. According to Bruce, he was 3 weeks pregnant. Bucky's organs were working like Hydra had hoped, and he was able to conceive. Bucky now knew what was really happening when his stomach turned when Steve filled him good, and it wasn't a growing orgasm, but a growing fetus. Steve's fetus. And that is what hurt Bucky that day, the fact that the last thing he wanted to happen actually happened, and he couldn't beat himself because this wasn't Hydra's child, but Steve's child. Then the guilt rose. What if he did beat himself, but Steve found out anyway, how would that look? But, what if he didn't kill it and this baby was what could pull Bucky from his own sea of demons? And then, finally, the hope set in. What if? That was a huge ass what if, but he was willing to take that risk, because he could possibly get better. He could become Bucky again. 

When Bucky told Steve about what was hurting him, Steve didn't get angry or majorly upset, but he did smile sadly at him, and told him, "You don't need to hurt anymore. I'm not gonna let you." Bucky sighed, buried his face in the soft, plump chest of his lover, and he felt something fall from his shoulders, like he felt free for once, and he was addicted. And then, Bucky told him he's pregnant. Steve didn't freak, he didn't push him away, but he looked down at the brunette, kissed his nose and replied, "No more hurt." He was right, Bucky had no more reason to hurt, because the thing that was hurting him was now blessing him, and it felt strange to say that, but it was true. He was tired of hurting, and he knew he deserved better then to let his out of control past wreck his future. Bucky had no more hurt.

It was early one morning, Steve was still asleep and Bucky was pretty sure so was the rest of the Avengers, when he looked down and saw a hill. His belly had grown soft with padded baby fat, and he quickly lost his abs and tight, toned skin. He ran his flesh and blood hand over the swell and smiled. He actually smiled. Bucky felt his face ache with the long forgotten feel of his mouth curling up and his eye crinkling, but it was a good ache, an ache he hoped to feel for the rest of his life. He sat up in bed and crossed his legs, pulled up his shirt and felt his face ache even more as his smile grew. He could see it, he could see his skin plump and round with a small bump that he knew was his child. Steve's child. Bucky looked over at said man, and he was still laying on his back with his arms over his head with the covers just under his armpits. He could picture a little baby curled on his chest while he laid the same way, and Bucky rolled his eyes at how cute it would be. He corrected himself, how cute it will be.

It was towards the middle of Bucky's second trimester when he really began to show. His belly was now rounder and fuller, so was his hips and ass, he even seemed to have curves, and every Avenger knew it. All of them, except Steve and Bruce, were surprised to hear about the pregnancy. They didn't judge though, and Bucky was thankful for that. If anything, they seemed more excited about it than Bucky and Steve. Sam was bouncing off the walls upon hearing of a mini Super Soldier, he even offered to help decorate the nursery they would soon begin to furniture. Clint said he could attend birthing classes with his wife since she was expecting her third, but Bucky turned him down, considering it would look a little odd seeing a man in a birthing class that was strictly for mommys-to-be. Natasha hit Steve for boy telling her sooner, and then she wrapped her arms around Bucky and hugged him, whispering how proud of him she was and she knew something great would come out of his fixation. Bucky had to agree there, but he didn't have to tell Natasha. Bruce patted his shoulder, told him he would send word to Thor in Asgard, and Bucky nodded. Then, Tony stepped up. "First off," he began, waving his arms around, "I would like to congratulate you, and I hope your child lives happily and healthy. And, I would like to say I'm sorry for saying what I said a few weeks ago." The whole room went dead silent. Tony Stark, THE Tony Stark just apologized, and it was to a pregnant ex-assassin. Lost for words, Bucky smiled and nodded, and so did Tony before he went into the lab.

Steve noticed how Bucky was changing. Not just physically but over all changing. He was getting up before Steve, waking him up and forcing him out of the bed so he can make it, and he's been doing laundry, he picks up all of his own and Steve's dirty, sweaty casual clothes and he washes them without haste, then dries them, folds them, and puts them away. He even cleans the living area and kitchen. He's wiped down every counter and table, dusted every lamp, nook and cranny, and he even vacuumed at least twice. Steve thinks he looks gorgeous with leggings (Bucky doesn't like sweatpants, he thinks they make him look bigger than he actually is) and a loose tee shirt, his hair up in a bun and a few loose strands falling in his beautiful ice eyes. Steve also thinks he's gorgeous because Bucky is actually looking out for himself. When he bends down, one arm cradles his growing belly while the other reaches down to grasp whatever it is he needs, and he's more affectionate to Steve, he gives random kisses and hugs, and he has a meal cooked for him when Steve comes home from a assignment, and Bucky seems more than happy to do it. And most of all, Steve thinks he's gorgeous because Bucky's glowing. He skin just seems to radiate and his over all beauty of his Bucky stuns Steve. His sharp jaw line and big eyes, his soft hairline and perfect puckered lips and cute little nose. Steve still wonders how he got so lucky. 

When Bucky got to the point where all he wanted to do was lay around, Natasha was there to assist him. If Steve couldn't do it, then Natasha could, and that's why Bucky considers her his best friend. She hasn't left his side unless Steve is home, and even then she doesn't want to leave because she's starting to feel for him like she never thought possible. Bucky is a sweet guy, he really is, and Natasha really hates Hydra for keeping that guy locked up for so long. He's charming and sweet and kind, and Natasha sees why Steve wouldn't give up on him. It just simply wasn't possible when Steve had loved him back when they were in the service, and Bucky loved Steve back just as much. But, back then, homosexuality was majorly frowned upon, and Steve didn't want Bucky to get harassed or hazed because he loved Steve. He was asleep, so Natasha reached out and gently placed her palm on Bucky's belly, and she smiled. She knew Bucky would be a great parent, even if he wasn't a good role model in his own opinion. Natasha knew he would love that child like no-one else had ever loved a child, and he wasn't gonna let any harm come that child's way. Steve is gonna be so proud of him, she knew that, and she was proud of him, too for coming so far and not stopping for anyone. Bucky was beginning to become Bucky. 

Time flew by, and Bucky thinks he's finally ready to know the gender of his infant. Steve wants a girl, Natasha and Sam have a bet that it's a boy, and Bucky doesn't care what it is as long as it's heathy and most of all, no hurting. He was past 20 weeks, he was almost 30 actually, but Bucky didn't have the time to take mind in simple things like that. Bruce put gel on his belly, and Bucky sighed deeply. This is the first glimpse he'll have of his child, and he wasn't completely ready to see it without Steve. Steve is on a mission, and he probably won't be home for a few days, and Bucky didn't like it. The screen on the machine was blurry for a few moments before it thinned out and a small blob appeared. "Okay, that's the head," Bruce pointed at the left of the screen, and Bucky nodded with watery eyes. "Here's the body." Bucky nodded again and sucked in his bottom lip. "And the legs and feet." Bucky let out a faint sob, and he nodded. That's what is inside him, and it was beautiful. "According to me," Bruce began as he moved the scanner remote around a little, "You're having a boy." Bucky cried.

Bucky was about 36 weeks when Steve found him in their bedroom, sitting on the bed criss-cross whilst he was leaning on his hands. His bottom lip was between his teeth and his brows were frowned, and he knew that look. Steve ran over and lifted Bucky's chin. "It's everything alright?" Bucky blinked once before nodding, then said, "It hurts." Steve felt his blood run dry. He knelt on the bed and placed one hand on Bucky's back and the other on his belly, and he felt the baby—their son—move. Bucky's breathing was labored and loud, and Steve thought he was going into early labor. "I'm going to get Bruce—" "No!" Steve looked stunned at Bucky, he just raised his voice for the first time in a long time, and Steve could hear how Bucky's voice was cracking. "Just–just keep your hand here." Bucky grabbed Steve's hand and placed it back on his belly, and Steve was sweating with worry. The baby stilled, Steve's heart was pounding, and then he felt a tiny kick against his palm. Then another, and another. "He's kicking." Bucky smiled and giggled, his flesh and blood hand stroking Steve's hair as his face got closer to Bucky's belly. Steve lifted his shirt and then pressed his hand back, and the kicks were firmer now, closer to him. After a few minutes, their son stopped kicking, Steve just started to run Bucky's belly when he saw a tiny foot imprint rise right above his belly button, before it sank back into his skin. Steve awed. 

4 weeks later, Bucky woke up at 6 AM. He was having contractions and he nearly beat Steve to death trying to wake him up. Steve got up and hurriedly got Bruce up, and Natasha followed her boyfriends suit. She rushed to Bucky and helped him walk from his bedroom to the lab, where Bruce and Tony had already set up a birth station. Bucky stayed in that station for probably 6 hours before Bruce announced he was going to have to perform a C-section, and Steve freaked. He went on about how it was dangerous and risky, not to mention people die like that, and just his day to day rambling when Bucky grabbed his hand. "Hurts," is all Bucky had to say and Steve agreed with Bruce. They put Bucky on gas, mostly because he doesn't want to hurt anymore, and he slipped into a deep sleep a few minutes later. It didn't take long before Steve hears the ear piercing scream of his son, and then he's holding him. He has big blue eyes, Bucky's lips but Steve's own nose and blonde hair. He's beautiful, he's everything Steve could of ever imagined, and more. Bucky wakes up about an hour later when he's stitched up, and the first thing he does is hold his baby. His reaction was just like Steve's, awed and beautiful happy. "Sebastian Grant Rogers," Bucky said. Steve agreed and kissed Bucky's head.

Now, 2 years later, Bucky is sitting on a park bench, watching Steve push little Sebastian on the swing while their son smiles brightly. Steve has leaned that he's a great father, and even more so a lover, and Bucky loves him more than ever. Their son, Sebastian, is healthy and happy, practically everything Steve is, tall and strong and handsome. Bucky is about 4 months pregnant with their second baby, and this time, they're having a girl. It's amazing to think how far Bucky has came and how much farther he has to go, he's strong and unafraid for once in years, and he's happy. He's away from all the memories and happenings that have tortured him for such a long time, he's free. 

Best thing of all, Bucky isn't hurting.


End file.
